What I learned in life is…

What I learned in life is,

That no matter how good a person is,
sometimes they can hurt you & because of this we must forgive.

It takes years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it ..
We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change..

The circumstances and the environment influence on our lives,
but we are the one who responsible for ourselves..

That you have to control your acts or they will control you..

That patience requires much practice.. that there are people who love us,
but simply don’t know how to show it..

That sometimes the person you think will hurt you and make you fall..
Is instead one of the few who will help you to get up..

You should never tell a child that dreams are fake, it would be a tragedy if they knew..

It’s not always enough to be forgiven by someone,
in most cases you have to forgive yourself first..

That no matter in how many pieces your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop to fix it ..

May be God wants us to meet all the wrong people first before meeting the right one..
So when we finally meet the right one we are grateful for that gift ..

When the door of happiness closes, another door opens..
but often we look so long at the closed one.. we don’t see what was open for us ..

The best kind of a friend is the kind in which you can sit on a porch and walk…
Without saying a word & when you leave it feels it was the best conversation you ever had.

It’s true we don’t know what we have until we find it, but its also true,
we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives..

It only takes a minute to offend someone, an hour to like someone,
a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone.

Don’t look for appearances, they can be deceiving, don’t go for wealth even that can fade,
Find someone who makes you smile, because it only takes a smile to make a day better,
find what makes your heart smile..

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much..
that you wish you can take them out of your dream and hug them for real..

Dream what you want, go wherever you want to go.. because you have only one life..
and one change to do the things you want to do ..

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything,
they just make the best of everything that comes their way.

The best future is based on the forgotten past..
You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Credit: http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2013/05/09/what-i-learned-in-life-is/

lafz-e-samandar

तुम्हारी मर्ज़ी के मुताबिक़ बदलते बदलते,
न तुम्हारे मन की हुई न अपनी सी रह गयी.

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मैं "आईना" हूँ मेरी अपनी जवाबदारी है ,
जिसे कबूल न हो वो सामने से हट जाए l

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पत्थर को पूजे तो पत्थर भगवान् हो जाये 
इन्शान को क्या करे की ओ एक अच्छे इन्शान हो जाएँ !!

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यूँ तो कहने को हम बड़े खुशमिजाज़ हैं लेकिन
रुला देती है ,,अपनों के प्यार की हसरत कभी कभी..

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सामने हैं जो उसे लोग बुरा कहते हैं
जिसको देखा भी नहीं उसको खुदा कहते हैं.

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मेरी आवारग़ी पर कम से कम तू तो ना बोला कर !
तेरी यादों के कारण ही ये घर अच्छा नही लगता !!

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दिल के किस्से कहां नहीं होते
हां ये सबसे बयां नहीं होते.

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ये हुनर भी बड़ा ज़रूरी है
कितना झुककर किसे सलाम करो.

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Tab aur ab

माँ बनाती थी रोटी
पहली गाय की
आखरी कुत्ते की
एक बामणी दादी की
एक मेहतरानी बाई की

हरसुबह
सांड आ जाता
दरवाज़े पर
गुड की डली के लिए

कबूतर का चुग्गा
कीड़ीयों का आटा
ग्यारस,अमावस,पूनम का सीधा
डाकौत का तेल
काली कुतिया के ब्याने पर
तेल गुड का हलवा
सब कुछ निकल आता था
उस घर से
जिस में विलासिता के नाम पर
एक टेबल पंखा था

आज सामान से भरे घर से
कुछ भी नहीं निकलता
सिवाय कर्कश आवाजों के!

Reasons

Had it not been for reasons, life would not have been like this!
Reasons, are the reasons, I am here and not on the top of those mountains, or on the green grass, or on the wet sand, or at a book stand, or for that matter in your arms.
Reasons, are the reasons, why I long for those winds, those splashes, that touch!
Reasons, are the reasons, why I smile.. but not really!
Reasons, are the reasons, why I cry.. and readily!
Reasons, are the reasons, why my wish is still there!
Reasons, are the reasons, why my life is going else where!
Reasons, are the reasons, why I strive for a way!
Reasons, are the reasons, why I still pray!
Reasons, are the reasons, why I like what I like!
Reasons, are the reasons, why I fight for my pride!
Reasons - weak and strong - but win over me, again and again;
And Reasons are the reasons, why I offer myself a break from pain!

Lessons from death!

A few minutes before the blasts happened, I was leaving from office for home, crossing streets, juggling with whirling traffic and immersing in innumerable thoughts, most of which had nothing to do with other most of the things in life. Alike me, thousands of other people were doing the same things, except that a few of them did not reach home, alike me. They died or reached hospitals; and here I am not counting road accidents as reasons, for the existence of which, the mankind has become dangerously indifferent; I am talking about serial bomb blasts, in crowded streets of a huge city at rush hours – a perfect recipe! 

At this time, when I sit at home, while loads others are struggling to live, I feel hopeless and numb – because I have no idea, when I would be the victim – the one, who never reaches back home – the one, who remains awaited – the one, who doesn’t see the kids growing up – the one, who could not argue, fight, criticize, ridicule, or bully the world – the one, who gets counted as a part of ‘xx died’!

It’s so hard to digest the fact that on the same roads, my kids will be walking and I would not be accompanying them all the time. Why have I brought them here, in this world – amidst pain, sufferings and disappointments? People say there is not a bigger pain that burying your own kids! While I do not intend to compare the anguish of losing different relations, I could sense that the worst one of them is this. And, when this pain comes in the form of a shock, where the apple of your eye gets galloped by some sadistic, religious or social lunatic – gosh! This case is beyond understanding! Pure hell on earth for the ones, left behind!

A colleague, who recently lost his sister in a road accident, when saw me sitting tense over a professional issue, made a very sarcastic but true remark, “why take so much tension... you never know, when you will die!” His sentence kept resonating in my mind for days..you just do not know a bloody thing about accidents in life, as if death is roaming around openly and it has been  your sheer luck till now that you did not face her yet! 

Still, we forget the lessons and involve ourselves in all meaningless acts and thoughts. What do I know, when I will die. What will I do with this ego that does not let me express as much love as I must do, around myself? Would my tomorrow going to be any different than today – would I be more polite, loving and harmless than today – have I understood the lesson given by death, or I still think that life can never slip through my clutched fists – time will tell – or may be another blast!

In a happy new year...

2013 may not be very New from past years, but it could be happy though! Some thoughts to keep me moving this year - 

The lesser you need, the happier you are!

So true... less requirements, less needs, less expectations, less desires.... less problems. Life could be so straight and simple, if only we could let it to be so. This new year, I might try to check my wants a little bit. Wants for clothes, food, emotions, warmth, money, and other things.... after all, God gives enough for everyone's needs, but not for everyone's greed.

Do not buy what you do not need!

Warren Buffet's suggestion that if you are spending your money in buying things you do not need, you might have to sell those things later. Also, your savings should not be income minus expenditures, rather it should be other way round. Financial planning and independence is very very important for each and every individual, irrespective of their age and status. Unfortunately, a lot of us, especially females, realise this very late. Of course, buying things that make you look nice and feel better is good, but their has to be a self-check, because money is crucial and should be spent wisely. 

Discipline!

Agree or not, but real meaning to a day comes when you utilize it as much as possible. Getting up late or being lethargic throughout might give a momentary sense of relaxation, but consuming yourself brings long lasting satisfaction. Even if it sounds 'oldy' - there is definitely an advantage in getting up early and finishing things in morning. Days, especially weekends, look longer if you get up in morning. You feel relaxed and more productive when things run as per schedule. Well planned day, enhances productivity and leaves you with extra and free time, which a hassled day absorbs terribly. And when you are a center of a family, your personal life doesn't remain very personal. It directly affects the life and time-table of other people. All good things must also happen on time, otherwise, they lose their charm and effect... remember! First Things First!

Talk less, listen more!

For last so many years, I am adding in the entropy of the world through my continuous blabbering. I guess, its time for others to speak. There's a part of me that just loves to talk, often provoking me to silent the other speakers and turn them into an audience, much to their dislike. I need to curb this part. It's time to listen.. to create a balance. Too much of one-sided action has already happen leading to a state of inert uniformity. Let's see what this, apparently quiet world has in store for someone, who has taken the charge to create all the noise alone.  

Take care!

Last but not the least! It's an honour to become someone, who can take care of someone else. It's an honour to be someone's mother and someone's grown up daughter, and someone's understanding friend, and someone to whom people look upon for help or suggestion. It is necessary to maintain people's trust. And it is necessary to take care of those, who depend on you. At the same time, you must take care of yourself! 

Look Good! Feel Good! Say Good! Do Good!

It might seem strange but the people we hate the most are the ones, we have loved the most at some point of time. After all, if love is an extremity of an emotion towards a person, hate is the same emotion but away from the person. The two are totally relevant and related to each other. Somewhere, I had read that till we hate a person we are silently still loving that person a lot and we are still wanting him or her to mend things and unite again. And in cases, where the emotion of love has totally dried, anger also subsides.. and what replaces is the feeling of indifference. 

In that sense, as some writer wrote somewhere, opposite of love is not hatred, it is indifference - a state of total detachment - the state, where you just don't care, any more!

The love we are talking about is not really romance. It is in fact more than that.. the love between parents and children, some really good friends, few other relationships where the emotional give and take has been pretty high. As this give and take between pals keeps rising, the things kept at stake also keep rising. The parameter for understanding is dangerous.. when we are understood.. we desire to be treated like that. After all, what being understood means, if we are still subjected to behaviour we did not mean to attract? Of course, the mutual emotional purity of both the parties matter a lot.

So, assume at one point of time.. a genuine misunderstanding pops-up. So huge that it shakes our belief in that person and all that we have shared with him or her. Now, how are we supposed to react?

Let’s consider, option 1. We go to that person - react harshly for the misunderstanding - somehow the situation gets managed - both the people are very vocal about their stuff - they speak their heart out but at the same time, refrain from using things that hurt each other - with initial friction, things get clear - apologies prevail - and love returns.

Option 2. Two people wonder how they got misunderstood - they feel angry - so much that they decide not to even clear matter between each other - they stop talking - somewhere inside they know, they should talk out - but their ego just won’t let them take initiative - friendship subsides, with a wish that someday someone cleans up this mess - people stop meeting each other - but animosity is still not there.

Option 3. You just cannot believe that you have been misunderstood - you consider it as backstabbing and swear to teach lessons - hostility prevails - you fill with anger decide to never even see that person's face.

Option 4. You shared your deepest moments with someone - you know you made yourself vulnerable before them, but somehow trust that they won’t ever reap the advantage - then one day the advantage is reaped - disbelief wraps you - you do not even want to fight - despair wins over anger - you just want to get out of the life of that person - you do this - and henceforth, you become indifferent, even if deep inside in your heart, you have wanted to ask - "how could you?". Now, this is the opposite of love. An opposite that rarely takes a u-turn and venture towards the point, it had started from.

Slow down... for me!

Slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,
slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?
slow down mummy, make yourself a cup tea.
Slow down mummy, come and spend some time with me.

Slow down mummy, lets put our boots on and go out for a walk,
lets kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.
Slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,
come sit and snuggle under the duvet and rest with me a while.

Slow down mummy, those dirt dishes can wait,
slow down mummy, lets have some fun, lets bake a cake!
slow down mummy I know you work a lot,
but sometimes mummy, its nice when you just stop.

Sit with us a minute,
& listen to our day,
spend a cherished moment,
because our childhood is not here to stay! 

R.Knight 2011

"With saddened heart and disillusioned soul

I look upon my ever distant goal;

Its picture is so clear in my mind;

I try to reach it, yet I'm far behind.

I am the one who set it long ago.

I'd hate myself if I had set it low,

But I admit, or it would be a lie,

I'm sorry I have set it so high.

I have so little hope of succeeding

That when I think of it, my heart starts bleeding;

I'm not afraid to die, but just to fail,

And not to work-to work to no avail.

Yet, though hope be replaced by fear,

I shall fight on for that which I hold dear."

It never changes much!

Who says life changes? Even earlier were there people who loved rains, even today there are. The only difference is, earlier we were the ones splashing water on others, now someone else dabs it on us.

Even earlier children were lovely, innocent and innocuous. Even now they are. Earlier it took them many years to turn into adults, now they take few.

Competition was always fierce … then, now, ever. People were always dissatisfied. We always wondered how some people reached to the top, while some just life aside. 

Money was always priced; values, underestimated; pleasures, unaffordable; and happiness, desired.

There used to be suicides, murders, rapes and thefts – there still are. Earlier it always happened to other people, now it happens to many we know. 

The night is still the night, even with artificial light. And there are still things that money cannot buy. 

Love is still most wanted, though we may not have the patience to wait, and bad is still not wanted, even if being good is hard to behave. 

Life really doesn’t change as much as changes our places in life. As victims, survivors, losers, winners, beggars or spectators, we see the different side of the same plight. 

Perhaps, most of the times, we get old and are impelled to move to the next level, enforced to live life the different way - to consciously live with the fact of being unable to go back – to watch, crib, cry, sulk, shout, shut up or move on – to choose.

Life really does not change.. nor do we. Only time does.

Beyond horizon, there's a world, where everyone is too busy to notice my existence and make opinions or pass judgement about me. That is the world, I am heading to. 

It might exist in reality or my dreams or even better, my head. But it does exist. And though reaching there seems to be like a task as easy as blinking, I feel that I am taking too much time. Or maybe, the problem is not about discovering that world, but about staying there. Yes so many times I get this feeling of déjà vu when I am thinking about that world; it’s just that I do not consciously remember staying there.

And when I reach there, I'll own some land and build a house there, I have yet to finalise, who all will be invited to join me. For sure, the names will be few; since, I am not afraid of loneliness anymore. 

All the people, who will be invited, will be greeted very well, though I’ll make sure that no one stays there for long, because I do not want to get used to of anything not even love. I want to feel the brightness of the day ending, and darkness surrendering before dawn, every day. 

Memories make life complicated but they are still necessary. What about a room completely dedicated to memories, like a huge Cinema Hall with personal catalogue, reeling every pleasant and unpleasant scene of life? Yes, I would keep the unpleasant scenes as well, since sometimes I might need them to validate my need of this separate world.

And I am not sure if I need a Sun or a Moon there, but more or less all default elements of this world are welcomed there as long as they do not interfere with my obliviousness. Yes, and when I say elements by default, I exclude people. All of them.

Why must I have so much to care?

It was my dad-in-law’s shraad and we had invited a pandit at our place for some rituals. As we started lunch, the pandit looked pleased to have ‘typical’ north Indian food, considering he himself is a northie and in Hyderabad, most of his jajmaans were south Indian. Inevitable as it was, the discussion about south indian fooding and cuisine started among three northies, with flowing sense of superiority that our cuisine is so rich in comparison to rice-eaters.

I too gave my inputs and suddenly in the middle of the discussion, I felt utterly stupid to even get involved in something that talks about what some people eat. I mean, who are we? Lawyers in the court of God, to prove that since we know 100 different varieties of paratha and 1000 different varieties of curries, we are superior to those eating food with rice being a perpetual denominator.

I know a lot of people who have this air of superiority because they think their taste is so better than others. SO? Do they pass any nutrition of their diet in our bodies? Or, for that matter, how does it matter at all, if you like beef and I like beetroot?

But the problem is not with geography or people belonging to it. It is also not about taste, rituals, gender or education. Even south Indians feel greater than northeis for their inclination towards education and tradition of collecting degrees and settling abroad.

It is about how we are programmed.. groomed.. and raised by our loving parents and teachers from the day, we started understanding things in this complex worlds. More we were trained to accept the existence of other people and mould ourselves in order to incorporate them, more we learned to respect the differences we have from other human beings, starting from our own families to nations and religions.

But unfortunately, who will execute the task, when the mothers and teachers themselves are unaware about these wonderful phenomena of ‘respecting the differences’ and ‘not being judgemental’. After all, our own homes cradle the hypothesis that we are better than certain Sharmas, Vermas, Dubeys or Pandeys. Sometimes it’s because we kept our house cleaner, or we had a better dressing sense, went to a better school, scored better marks, or ate at better restaurants, or if nothing else, we simply looked better. At the end – my mom, my dad, my home and my everything else is THE BEST – and not just my best.. it should be the best for the whole world. Totally forgetting that we are just an element in a small circle of a huge Venn diagram called society, and every inch of ‘my best’ is intersecting the best of other people.  And when two people fight for single glory, they clash, till clashing and debating becomes a way of life to express superiority. 

Sometimes it feels so sick to be judgmental, to tell people what they should be doing and not respecting the choices they make. To deciding on who is beautiful, who is rich, who is nice and who is mean. What they should be doing and what might make their life go up or come down. Who has better etiquette and who is a smug! Uff!! It’s tiring and appears like an attempt tantamount to holocaust without bloodshed. But we are killing variety in society, making people get divided into our own convenient categories, which I think is worse and totally unnecessary. Sadly, this transcendence that begins with petty issues takes some people to unbelievable insanity where they start making attempts to suppress or remove those who they feel are lesser!

May be the life would have been better, if we were told that world is so vast outside our houses, when we were not allowed to leave homes alone. May be, it would have helped us more, if our mothers have told us more about other religions and why they are amazing than telling us that our Gods are the mightiest. May be we would have learned more about ourselves, if we were scolded for bringing expensive junk food in our Tiffin boxes making us look richer than the other kids, who had to bring that same sabzi paratha every day.

May be we should have been told that variety is the spice of life and that is why God made everyone so different, yet so similar, so that in a bigger picture, we are still one. Wish we had been told about such wonderful tales about the universe, world, science and civilizations, so that we had known at that tender age itself that we are a small note in a huge orchestra and our real responsibility is to keep oscillating with the rhythm and harmony; rather than each one crooning for himself.

The Bengali Saga

There are certain cities I so much want to see at least once in my life time. Although I haven't travelled any extensively so there's a lot of nice places skipping my limited knowledge, but with whatever I have.. I really want to go to Calcutta once. I don't know what fascinates me there, whenever I see the pictures of that slow moving, densely populated city... May be mysterious Bongs. Yeah, I had quite many Bengali friends during my college and job days; and I must say the girls were mysteriously attractive. They have this ability to make you think about them, every time you look at them and I suppose it is exactly what the pictures of Calcutta do to me.

I like cities with a rich cultural heritage and a language of their own. Metros need to have exclusivity. Just like Mumbai, Delhi, and Chennai.... the aura of Calcutta seems difficult to be duplicated. Must say that my first encounter to this lazy city was through some Satyajit Ray movies... followed by endless google search for Kolkata pics. And yes, the other reason for this special affection is Sri Rabindranath Tagore. A city must be lucky to be adorned by such a maestro, who shares his birthday with me. But that's not all... the wide, enchanting, dirty, huge, chaotically silent Hooghly, or the Howrah Bridge or the stories of East India Company or the Victoria Memorial or the red-raided political jungle or the Trams or the erstwhile yellow taxis or Dakshineshwar Kali temple and Swami Vivekanand or Rashogulla, Sandesh & Mishti Dhoi or the Park Street or the soulful Durga Pooja or the Bengali literature or Mohun Bagan or females with golden white saari and red border and those mesmerising Bengali eyes that can cease anyone's attention if they like or the IIM-Calcutta or Mother Theresa... Gosh.. there's so much still left and all of it is too fascinating!! You tell me one city that has such varied marvels and interestingly all painted in one colour - Bengalism!! Probably, this makes Calcutta so distinct. I guess, probably Chennai might put some competition in this particular kind of unity in diversity, since Mumbai and Delhi, though distinctly unique in their own ways, are more fancifully coloured in different cultures.

Also, the dominance of females over males makes Calcutta, stand apart. However, I have never been to that place and the sample size of my observation was too minuscule to read the general behaviour of an entire race.. but as what told to me by my Bong friends, Calcutta is the city, where women rock!!!! They are the decision makers and managers and the evaluators. Might be, the credit goes to the beautiful eyes, silky hair and the sweet Bengali accent that these vernacular ladies are blessed with. After all, men could not be strong enough to let go the magical impact of such seductions... and on the top of that, the brains they have could match the IQ, smartness and at times knavishness of any race, worldwide. I really have admiration for Bengali women, again for these very vividly present but exclusive to them attributes. At the same time, most of the Bengali guys I have met till date were quite simple and recessive in nature.. laid back at times... much to what I guess from the pace of this crowded city.

Anyway, lets see when I get the chance to see this wonderful city and make opinions about it on the first hand basis... and I want to go there, during the Durga Pooja time.. people say Bengal goes insane at that time... and I want to make myself a part of that insanity for a while!

मेरा अकेलापन मेरा दोस्त है,

वो मेरा साथ कभी नहीं छोड़ता

मरघट का सन्नाटा हो या,

दोस्तों की महफ़िल

वो हमेशा साथ ही रहता है

पर मैं उसकी दोस्त नहीं

धोका दिया उसे कई बार

छोड़ आई भरे बाजार में

सोच कर की छोटे बच्चे जैसा गुम जायेगा

पर वो सच्चे साथी सा वापस आता रहा

पालतू कुत्ते सा रट चुका है मेरे दिल के रास्ते को

वो रास्ता जो कभी किसी को दिखा नहीं,

क्यूँ उस कम्बखत को कभी भूला नहीं!

पिंजरा तोड़ के उड़ जाना है ज़िन्दगी

किनारे से बार बार टकराना है ज़िन्दगी

लपलपाते दिए की तरह जलना हो तो भी जियो

क्योंकि तम में जगमगाना है ज़िन्दगी

आँख में ठहरे आंसू की तरह

कभी कभी ठहर जाना है ज़िन्दगी

तो कभी कभी तूफान बनके कहर ढाना है ज़िन्दगी

ज़िन्दगी ऊंचाई में है

ज़िन्दगी गहराई में है

ज़िन्दगी अच्छे बर्ताव में है

ज़िन्दगी उतार चड़ाव में है

कुछ नया बनाना है ज़िन्दगी

जो न चले उसे मिटाना है ज़िन्दगी

खुशियों को बाहें पसार बुलाना है ज़िन्दगी

और चाहे जैसा भी हो मौसम,

हर हाल में मुस्कुराना है ज़िन्दगी.

(Jan 4, 11)

Dusting a bit...

Coming home has always been a moment of nostalgia. The same room brings everything back to you, whenever you look at those empty walls in the time of silence. Suddenly, it reminds you of yourself. We do not forget ourselves, but the changing times often make those memories hide below the layers of dust and when they come back, they look like strangers.

Every moment spent in this room tells me what a fighter I have been. The never-say die attitude and the potential to convince anyone for anything. Adversity truly brings the best out of mankind. Today I see that my life is much easier to what it was, and I find myself weaker to what I was. Now, I get convinced very easily, settle for mediocre options and my self-belief is giving up before what other opine about me. But today, this room tells me that I could not change so easily, because people's basic nature doesn’t change so easily and that is the reason of conflict I find within myself. Yes! There is always a conflict going inside me… regarding what I want to do and how, whereas, long time back I had found what I wanted to do and had already started working for it. And then my efforts got derailed and I just forgot from where to pull them back.

I must say, there’s a huge price for not trying to get your dreams. It’s better to have no dreams at all, than not making efforts to realize the one you have. Today, when I am sitting in this room, I could feel those old vibes flowing inside me. That is what your surroundings do to you. Now my next step has to be to create this set-up in my new abode, because these vibes are my driving forces and the reason to keep me on the track.