Do all the people in the world need jolts of adrenaline to feel alive - something like massive goals staring directly into their eyes with the feeling that their time to achieve them has already started. A lot of times, I feel blood gushing into my veins, too fast. It gets difficult to hold myself in such instances, and I either start fidgeting or go into a deep slumber of self-talk. If given a choice, I would go for a very easy life. You stay at home, cook for a couple of people, complaint a lot, watch soap operas, buy stuff, gossip, manipulate, and just live. You do not have to answer questions like what am I doing with my life, is it all that I am able to do, what does it take to change my circumstances, what all do I expect from myself, what all do I expect from people around me and more importantly, what all do I expect from life? These are vicious questions - they seep into your conscience and never let you sleep peacefully. They perturb you so much that you are forced to look for answers. The moment you heart recognizes its place in a life above mediocre, it seeds a dream of realizing that life in you. The dream is though a very beautiful one, but it demands a lot of hard work and too many sacrifices. Breaking your shackles is difficult. You feel insecure at the beginning and then you find that the on the name of shackles, you were hiding behind some fake bars. Realising truth in life if the first step towards the fulfillment of your dreams. When you realise the truth, you also realise that what we consider to be reality is not real most times. The truth is not what seems real, practical, or right. Truth is truth!
Knowing yourself is the beginning of all understandings and accepting yourself is the preparation towards enlightenment. Of course, accepting yourself is not as easy as it sounds. The lie that we are better than the rest is so deeply rooted and comforting that it takes the heart of a man to let it go. Remember Kabir's doha, "बुरा जो देखन मैं गया, बुरा न मिलया कोई,
जो मन देखा आपने, मोसे बुरा न कोई!"
It is so important to know yourself and be comfortable in your skin to really be better. Pretense helps no one, neither does believing that we are better than other people and we know better than the rest. But whom am I teaching?? Charity begins from home.
like being a workaholic! Staying immersed in it and completing task
after task gives me a strange sense of achievement and peace. Not that I
love every bit of it, but I feel good that I am delivering value. I
don't know what people really mean when they say that one should love
the work one does, because there is nothing that one can consistently
love or hate. I love some parts of the work I do, I hate other few. What
motivates me is how well I am able to do it, hoping that the value I am
adding at my end would create a difference in the chain ahead. After
all, at the end of the day, I must feel worthy of what I earn; and in
the instances I feel that, I think I love my work, too.
On puritan grounds there is nothing like complete job satisfaction. The satisfaction comes, when we are able to do justice with the skill set we possess or think that we possess. I love writing, but then I do not want to do arbitrary writing on topics I like. I want to do things more powerful than expressing my thoughts, and that is expressing people's thoughts for them, and so unfeigned that you become their mouthpiece. With time I have realised that writing is not the thing my soul really longs for, it is about using the power of words in changing lives. And the moment I bring this perspective into my work, I find my work very significant; and automatically my focus and dedication towards it increases.
I remember a quote about contentment that said that contentment is about enjoying what you have right now. It has actually very less to do what you want in future. Same applies to the work we do... the quality we deliver today has very little to do with any external factor. Intrinsically we need to keep growing our skills so high that eventually we start attracting the work that suits those skill-set. I know it sounds too hypothetical, but it is not; and the reason I am saying that is because that is what I have experienced.
True it is that there is no better way of spending money than that on the people you love and the people who need it. I do not feel as happy when I buy stuff for myself, as I feel when I do it for my kiddo and my mom. Another name in the list that gives me immense pleasure on every penny spent is of Bihari ji. I too like to have good clothes and shoes and handbags, etc etc, like most ladies in this world, but buying a frock, or sari, or a joda for my Radha-Krishan is completely unusual.
I am sure, I am not the only one to think like that, there are other loads of people who think the same way, especially the ones who have come from middle class service families and whose parents have sacrificed a plenty of pleasures while arranging best education and food for us. As my dad says, "there is no end to how good you can wear and how luxurious a life you can live; but a line needs to be drawn and priorities need to be set." I think this line sums up some of the most fundamental principles of personal finance management. Drawing a line and setting priorities, the fundamentals still remain the same. However, with changing times you cannot also completely ignore all those fancy things. Because, then when you grow up and step out and find that there is so much glossy stuff in life of which you have absolutely no idea, you kinda lose confidence, which comes back only gradually; and sometimes never comes back.
Drawing lines would have been easier for my dad than it would be for me now. I have to expose my kid to all latest gadgets, fancy food items and fashionable clothes, while also making sure her charm for them never goes over board. It is a big challenge, i know and the key does not lie in restrain, it lies in replacement. Replacing the charm of these glitterati with something more substantial, curious, and fulfilling. When I think of what it all could be, traveling comes to my mind the most, followed by reading. I sincerely feel, we can teach so much to our kids if we just show them worlds outside their own house. We must take them to new places and talk with them about it, so that they learn to appreciate the charm of traveling. Second thing is to read to them and show them such myriad personalities of characters that no type of person remain a stranger for them. I feel if they truly learn to observe the variety we have in world, they would most certainly rise above the limitations of pomp and show.
Recently me and my kiddo has started talking about Shopping Malls. This is where she buys her Horlicks from. So, every now and then she will say "hum shopping mall chale", and this is when I terribly miss the presence of any good park in my locality. I so much want to take her to parks where she routinely gets to play with local kids. The max she plays outside is on the lane outside our house, where in all the children of the locality will gather at twilight - but that's not it. It has to be a park, a proper ground, where in I can take her everyday and where she knows the set of people she is going to meet and play and ride with.
But there is little I can do about it. Even the nearest park is many kilometers away and it is not in particular for kids, it is more like grown-ups' jogger park, which somehow does not fit into the need. Wish I had a solution.
I thinking I am talking to myself more than I am actually writing, so I better stop and go to bed.
I am a dreamer and a traveler by heart. People enchant me more than Gods and my life has beautifully brought me in the pursuit of truth and love.
I want to touch as many souls as possible, because every time I meet someone, I make a new friend and I just get a bit better!